The process of personal growth is not always easy. We must first face our own ugliness. We often must become painfully aware of the unworkability of a pattern before we are willing to give it up. It often seems that our lives get worse rather than better when we begin to work deeply on ourselves.
How should I move forward knowing that someone I cared about was hurting enough to take his own life? I do not know why he felt this was the only way. I had not seen him recently. Was there something I could have done to prevent the determination he had to end his pain? I will never know his reasons.
The memories of the time when he was in my life seem just as real as yesterday. I remember him with all the love and devotion I could have for my First Crush. The time spent daydreaming about our happily ever after was not wasted. I have cherished those memories long after it became clear the reality of our life paths were taking different directions.
I do not know the man he became and yet I grieve for his lost life. I grieve for the boy I knew all those years ago. I remember him each year on his birthday, May 23, to celebrate his life. He will live on in my heart and always be a part of me. I hope that now he has found peace.